for a really long time now, i have been trying to learn how to love. the greatest thing that i have learned on this journey of mine, is that it is very difficult. i mean, i may not be the most aggressive and confrontational person, and well, i have never really needed to assert myself either, but i have harbored some pretty nasty thoughts about people. some of these people, have not even done anything to provoke these thoughts, or even my shameful gossip about them, it is simply because they are being themselves and it bugs me. there is one good thing about this though, that is, ever time it happens, i usually realize afterward that it was an arrogant or prick move on my part. this can be incredibly humbling for me considering the philosophy i try to live by states that love holds nothing against people and remembers no wrongs. again, im not the most confrontational person, and so largely, this is an inner struggle. nevertheless, it is in this seemingly uphill battle that i realized why there is so much controversy in the church. i always look down on people when they move too far on the conservative or liberal sides of the spectrum, only causing divisions. don't get me wrong, there are good conflicts out there, but not many conflicts are good if it causes divisions in the church. maybe im oversimplifying my ecumenical visions for the church, but sometimes people in the church just need to give their head a shake. I mean, say for example, you don't agree on free will, but is that really what we base the common ground of our faith on. such arguments only seem to become unnecessary church politics. there is so much greater need in the world than our selfish desires to define God. its not exactly a salvific matter whether we have free will or not, whether we God created the world in 7 days or if he used evolution. of course, there are some issues that do matter. or maybe its just because im inconclusive of what i believe on the issue, but i would say homosexuality is probably one. but this is one of those conflicts that if it results in a split, than i think both sides are wrong. As John Howard Yoder boldly states: "where christians are not united, the gospel is not true in that place." in other words, i think the kingdom of God, the one that christians have been called to build here and now, needs to start with an fairly basic ecumenism. we need to put aside our differences and focus on what we have in common. if we do this, suddenly we will find Christ's gospel. this is gospel that emphasized love and unity, the one that focuses on helping the poor, and the needy. we need to remember that personal differences are not the point.